


Robot Masters

by stevebuscemifan69



Category: Rockman | Mega Man Classic
Genre: Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 14:13:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3413672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stevebuscemifan69/pseuds/stevebuscemifan69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Wily begins to examine his Robot Master army after having kidnapped Dr. Cossack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Robot Masters

In the year 20XX, a large conference table sat in an advanced room. Control panels, levers , and monitors were tightly packed against the walls, cycling through thousands of charts. Two old men sat around the wooden table, out of place against the newness of the room. One man, still young enough to have brown hair, was crudely tied to a chair. Next to the other man sat a large case labelled “Masters.”

“Alright Dr. Cossack. I’m going to finally destroy that pesky Mega Man and take over the world, and your robots are going to help me!”

Dr. Cossack grimaced as Dr. Wily spoke, unable to play into Wily’s ego. 

“And why would I help you. Once you have gotten my information you will kill me.”

“Well, Mr. Cossack. I have your daughter. And I know you wouldn't want anything happen to her. Say there’s a lot of accidents in your robot factories aren't there?” The old scientists voice cracked as he spoke, unable to contain his excitement.

Dr. Cossack stared at the table. “Okay.”

“Alright, now let me ask you about some of these robots. I was able to take a look at them already and I think I know how to make some of them fight for me, but I have to make sure I know what they’re for.”

“Ask what you have to ask and leave me alone, муда́к.” 

Dr. Wily scowled.

“I’ll pretend I don’t know what that means.”

Dr. Wily pulled a roll of paper out from his case and unfurled it onto the table. The blueprint showed the inner workings of a robot, and read “Skull Man” at the top.

“So this robot is built for combat right?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

Dr. Wily studied the design in silence for a bit. Dr. Cossack sat dejected. He knew in his old age he’d be unable break out of his ropes, and all he could do was ponder Wily’s plans.

“Why skulls?”

“Skulls?”

“Well, why does he have so many skulls. He has a skull on his helmet, his helmet looks like a skull, and did I read this right. He fires out skulls?”

“No. That’d be ridiculous.” Dr. Cossack couldn't help but laugh at the notion.

“Then what does he fire?”

“A shield of skulls.”

Dr. Wily looked down at the blue prints. Four skulls surrounded the robot. One was labelled “Scary Skull.”

“Real skulls?”

“Energy skulls.”

Dr. Wily stared at the blueprints for a few more moments. It was covered in skulls. Listed were attachments for future upgrades, such as a skull shield, a skull necklace, skull cap, and a skull skull. Question marks surrounded the words “skull skull.”

“Well, if he’s as well-built as your other creations. He will surely destroy Mega Man on his own!”

Dr. Wily tossed the blueprint to the ground, and began to examine another blueprint.

“Now I don’t know what this robot is supposed to do.”

“He’s a peaceful robot. You would dare abuse a poor machine that has no interest in fighting?”

Dr. Wily sighed, “This is the fourth time I've done this. Do I really need to answer this?”

Dr. Cossack spat onto the blueprints. Wily sighed and kept staring.

“So. What does it do. Besides ‘Not Fight,’” Wily said, making air quotes with his hands.

“This robot is used in agriculture. It can replicate a rain season on its own! It feeds people Dr. Wily!”

“Then why is it a toad?”

The blueprints read “Toad Man” through Cossack’s spit. They described a small, toadlike robot, with a set of robot eyes as well as toad eyes. It walked on all fours, attempting to replicate the amphibians posture.

“Why would it not it be a toad?”

“What do toads have to do with farming or the rain.”

Dr. Cossack exhaled deeply, before beginning to smirk.  
“Cу́ка, of course you would not get the connection.”

A moment passed. Dr. Wily waited for Dr. Cossack to continue, but the doctor began to chuckle.

“What connection?” Wily responded, realizing Dr. Cossack couldn't break his laughter.

“Toads love water. They need it to live!”

“But so do we.”

“But they live in it!”

“What’s that have to do with plants?”

Dr. Cossack began to laugh again. Ignoring Wily’s question.

“Whatever. It makes rain right?”

“Yes.”

“Well. It’ll make…” Wily paused. Processing the odd robot.

“Acid rain!” exclaimed Wily.

“You ruin the good name of Toad Man.”

“Toads are poisonous anyways, you buffoon.”

Dr. Cossack’s eyes widened. Then he began to sulk.

“You are still evil.”

“Yes. I know.”

Dr. Wily placed a brown parchment of paper over the Toad Man blueprint. Imitation hieroglyphics were plastered all over the paper. In the center of the parchment a robot had been crudely drawn in crayons.

“Is this a blueprint?”

“Of course not. A blueprint is blue. This is more like a brownprint.”

“But this robot exists?”  
“Yes. Just because it is different, does not mean I did not build it!”

“Is it supposed to build pyramids?”

“Of course not.” Dr. Cossack began to writhe in his bondage, leaning his body towards Dr. Wily.

“Why would I make a pyramid building robot. Why would I make it a Pharaoh. No that is crazy Dr. Wily and you insult me with these suggestions.”

Dr. Wily looked back down at the brownprint. “Pharaoh Man.”

“So it doesn't build pyramids. What does it do?”

“It explores them!”

The fluorescent lights reflected off of Dr. Wily’s bald spot, now sweaty from his interrogation.

“Why is it a pharaoh? Shouldn't it be an archaeologist? Something like Archaeology Man or ‘Indiana Jones Man.’”

“But he does not just explore pyramids. He explores other ruins! Destroyed cities in Europe and the Americas. He isn’t confined to one spot.”

“That doesn't make sense! Why is he a Pharaoh?”

Dr. Cossack began to writhe again, trying to squirm his chair closer to Dr. Wily.

“I will defeat you for these words!” yelled the foreign doctor.

Wily began to examine the hieroglyphics closely. Some of the images resembled Dr. Cossack. As Wily continued to inspect, he noticed anachronisms. Cossack with Pharaoh Man, holding archaeology tools. Cossack and Pharaoh Man back to back, holding guns and wearing sunglasses.

“Okay, how does Pharaoh Man explore pyramids?”

“And ancient ruins!”

“And the ancient ruins.”

“Well first. He sends in mummies to-”

“Mummies!” Dr. Wily sat up straight.  
“Well yes. His worker mummies.”

“How many mummies does he have?”

“We built many. Probably 1,000. More I’d guess.”

“Can these mummies fight?”

“Of course. Why would I build mummies that cannot fight?”

“So he has a mummy army.”

“Naturally.”

“What does he do besides have a mummy army?”

“Well if you’d let me finish,” Dr. Cossack said as he leaned back in his chair. “You’d know by now.”

A moment passed.

“Well?” asked Dr. Wily

“Well what?”

“What does Pharaoh Man do?”

“Oh. I thought you were going to apologize for being rude.”

“I’m your captor! I have you and your daughter hostage.”

“Yes, but why make this even worse by being rude?”

“Just hurry up already.”

“пизде́ц. Pharaoh Man uses solar power to explore ruins.”

“Aha! I’ll use that solar power as a solar raygun! He’ll absorb light and fire it into Mega Man’s pesky blue armor.”

“You monster! Mega Man will destroy you. He always does.”

“Yes that may be true, but I’m using your innovations this time. I doubt he’ll see this army coming. I doubt anyone would.”

Dr. Wily tore the brownprint in two. Cossack winced as the paper ripped. Dr. Wily then placed a small ring on the table. On it the words “Ring Man” had been etched.

“I found this in your blueprints collection.”

“Yes.”

“Is there a Ring Man?”

“Yes.”

“What does he do?”

“Ëб твою мать “

“I still have Kalinka!”

“What do you think he does? Is it not obvious!” yelled Dr. Cossack.

“Something with rings. Does he shoot rings?”

“No! Only one.”

“What is his purpose?”

“He is a combat bot. He is designed to fight.” Dr. Cossack perked up at the word fight. “I am proud of Ring Man. He will defeat Mega Man, and for this, I am sad, but proud.”

“With Rings? Like Mega Man is going to let himself get defeated by rings?”

“Of course not! He is not just a ring thrower!”

“Oh! What else will he do.”

“He can jump! He is trained in acrobatics!”

“Trained? You didn't just build him as an acrobat?”

“Well. Yes. That is what I did.”

“So he can jump really high and throw a ring?”

“It will return to him.”

“Fine look. Whatever. Are all of your designs like this? Did you make anything that is actually useful or makes sense? What happened to Bomb Man or Ice Man. Robot masters that had a clear and obvious task and didn't have a weird theme?”

“Those robots are boring. These robots! These are the future of robots.”

Dr. Wily overturned the case onto the desk. More blueprints fell out, as well as a large pile of dust.”

“Like this! What’s this dust! Is there a ‘Dust Man’”

“Yes, is it not obvious?”

Dr. Wily got up, and walked out of the room.

“You will never know how unlock the secrets of Bright Man!” yelled Dr. Cossack as the door shut.


End file.
